31 Days of Blogging – Day 11

This show has been going so well and now a small hiccup has sent me into a wave of anxiety.

“I’m only 17 years old and I’m in charge of this show, people are counting on me I don’t know what to do what should I do…”

I feel the tightening in my chest and know a panic attack is coming.  I try to swallow it away, but it bubbles up just the same.  I begin to pace.

My thoughts are racing and I’m having trouble breathing.  I begin my usual compulsive tic to make the thoughts disperse: I tap each finger on my thumb and count obsessively. 1-2-3-4, 5-6-7-8, 9-10-11-12…

I get to 24 and start over.  All the while I am pacing backstage waiting for a miracle to happen so that we can start the show.

My boyfriend at the time (G, my high school not-so-sweet-heart) is already in costume and is watching me with what I assume is annoyance and wonder.  He walks over to me, grabs me by my forearms and…


He has slapped me in the face.  I doubt it was the best or most loving of actions, but the shock it brought with it has worked.  My head is clear.  I exhale and go about the business of getting the show up and running.

3 thoughts on “31 Days of Blogging – Day 11

  1. Pingback: 31 Days of Blogging – My Theme and Day 1 | warrior hippie

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